So it’s not a date, but I’m officially going to have coffee ..

So it’s not a date, but I’m officially going to have coffee with this new guy sometime soon. This is the closest thing to a date that I’ve agreed to go on in years. I’m actually glad I gave this man my phone number.

I told him I’m not looking for anything more than friendship at the moment, and he’s being super cool about it.

I thought 314 and I had more in common than anyone else I knew, and we do have a lot in common, but this man and I actually have much more in common, not interest wise, but life experience wise, and that’s something 314 and I didn’t have in common, he had a really good life compared to mine so he wasn’t able to understand my trauma responses. This guy just gets me and I can talk to him about anything without him getting mad, even if we don’t agree, even politically. That’s something you don’t find often. Even if we just remain platonic friends, I’m super glad I met this guy.

I don’t have a clue if I’ll ever see 314 again, if he were to contact me, I’d have a conversation with him, but yesterday I thought I’d go running right back into his arms, now I’m not so sure I would. He’d have to have a damn good excuse for ghosting me.

I love him, but why should I wait around for someone who chose to ghost me, then only contact me through burner accounts on social media but never admitting it’s him?

Unfortunately, it seems 314 still hasn’t leaned his lesson. In 2018, there was a girl from his past he loved, but he wouldn’t tell her he was still in love with her. I told him to tell her, otherwise he would lose her forever. That was my ex “best friend” and 314 and I were already sleeping together when I gave him this advice. He never told her, and shortly after that conversation, she announced she’s getting married to a new man. Then he unintentionally fell in love with me, but he couldn’t just tell me how he felt. He’s still in love with me, that’s why he still watches my public social media pages, but he just won’t tell me. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink, and this new guy has potential, he even codes and that’s so hot to me.

It’s kinda funny to me that as I’m typing that last paragraph, Get The Led Out by A Perfect Circle starts playing. One of 314s favorite bands, and if I had to give him any advice right now, it would be: “ Chit-chat, chit-chat
Ain't got time for that
We got places to be
We got mountains to climb
Shape the rainbow with me
Owe me so much time
Get the lead out
Suck it up, buttercup”

I mean, the man just keeps wasting my time by chatting with me through these burner accounts when we could be having an incredible life together if he’d just stop playing these games. A real fucking conversation could fix everything, but if he’s too scared, that ain’t my problem because there are men out here who aren’t scared to talk to me.

I don’t know why he’s scared to talk to me. I know his ex is a psycho and she constantly judges him, gets angry with him, yells at him, tries to change him, but I never did those things to him, not once, so I don’t understand why he’s so fucking scared to have a real conversation with me. 🤷‍♀️

A man who’s scared to just be real with me is a man who’ll never get me. I need a man who’s comfortable enough with me to tell me anything. I can’t stand people who avoid conversations with me. Maybe if 314 would’ve just kept talking every time I tried to shut him down when he was attempting to talk about his feelings for me, I eventually would’ve let him talk and said those 3 words back to him, but he gave up to easily.

I’m the 3rd girl in a row 314 lost, and I’m assuming he lost all 3 of us because he was too scared to express his real and genuine emotions. Learn to use your words boys, if you really love a girl that is.