The best Christmas present in the world would be 314 (the ma..

The best Christmas present in the world would be 314 (the man who broke my heart) coming back and telling me he’s in love with me, but I don’t want him to know that because I’m still mad at him for breaking my heart. He watches my public social media profiles still, and instead of admitting I still have feelings for him, I talk shit to push him further and further away because as much as I love him, I don’t want to forgive him if he ever chooses to come back. I’d run right into his arms and I don’t want to do that. He’d take care of me and love me correctly, but I’m too stubborn to let him because I’m mad.

Yes, you read that correctly, I’d rather struggle on my own and spend my nights alone in bed with no one to hold me, than give the man I’m in love with a chance to love me because he made me mad back in 2018.

You see, 314 has been creating these STUPID burner accounts to contact me with ever since he ghosted me in 2018. He sits there and talks to me from these accounts while pretending to be someone else, he thinks I don’t know, but I always know. I’d block them, he’d create new ones, so I gave up; now I just pretend like I don’t know it’s him I’m speaking to. The fact that he does this instead of just having a real fucking conversation with me just makes me more mad. He plays games and I play right back.

It’s funny to me, though. I don’t lurk on his social media, I used to, but it hurt too much so I stopped. The last time I did, it was a picture of him and another girl as his Facebook profile pic, that was like February of this year. I bitched about that picture, I don’t remember what site, I think I bitched about it here, actually. Now, when I went into my message request folder on Facebook recently, I noticed he changed the picture. Now it’s just a picture of him, I like it much better. However, I know that man better than he knows himself and he rarely changes his profile pictures, so that leads me to believe he is watching me, reading my words and still taking my feelings into consideration even though we’re not together. If that’s true, that’s super sweet of him, but what would be sweeter is for him to stop playing pretend and just fucking talk to me.

Though, thanks to my current privacy settings, he can’t read my words on this site unless he pays for a membership.